If You Do Nothing Else This Year, Let It Be This
Strong Opinion Alert (Sorry, not sorry)
Please! Mothers, aunties, guardians, fathers, uncles, sisters, brothers, STOP telling little girls that boys are mean to them because they like them.
There are a few things I wish that I was told when I was young, and I understand that you mean no harm, and are probably just trying to make the child feel better, but this is planting a seed for a lifetime of hurt and toxic relationships. Pardon the dramatics.
The belief that you are installing into your young one, as innocent as it may seem, is teaching them to confuse abuse with love.
Abuse does not = love.
Period.
This can potentially be more harmful than you realize and can be a starting point of a cycle of accepting abusive behaviours into her life and masking it with love, confusing aggression for affection; whether it’s from a schoolmate, boyfriend, or husband.
How many times have you heard this, “He gets angry because he loves me so much”, or “Yes he hit me, but its because he just loves me so much, he could control himself”. Many times this is paired with excuses for their partner’s behaviours like, “Oh, well he/she had a terrible childhood”, or “It’s because he/she grew up with an alcoholic parent.” for example. This happens because they have learned from a young age to romanticize abuse.
Teaching girls at a young age to view abuse and love as one is extremely dangerous. And if you think about it, it’s actually teaching girls to be okay with being bullied.
Now read that again.
Not only are girls getting the wrong message, but this affects young boys too. This teaches them that they can get a girls attention by picking on them and that bullying behaviour is viewed as “cute” by adults with no real consequences.
Think about it, is this the message you want your son to grow with?
What you should teach your daughter instead? The list is long, but here are a few:
1. They are amazing, smart, strong, intelligent, beautiful beings. (a.k.a eff the haters). Empower your little lady with a healthy dose of confidence daily. Never too young to be on a self-love journey. In fact, I believe the younger the better. I can’t tell you how much better my life would have been from the get-go.
2. It’s not a You problem, it’s a Them problem.
Helping your child understand that when a child is a bully, it is not actually about them, but a reflection of something else that is going on in their lives. Understanding why bullies are bullies will put the situation in perspective and will help them identify these behaviours as life continues.
3. When boys like them, they will RESPECT them, and their boundaries.
This one is the key. Teach your daughter what respectful behaviour looks like. The best lessons are going to be what she sees in her own home. Teach them that when a boy or girl likes them, they will treat them with respect and kindness. And teach them to accept nothing less. Ever.
Respect = Love.
Hugz & Feelz,
J.